Maybe

May be you are my heaven,

But what if i am your hell?

Maybe change comes with pain,

But what if i am too weak? 

Maybe I don’t deserve my name in ur diary,

But what if I am still thankful for it?

Maybe I have this smile so beautiful,

But what if It’s just a mask for a sad soul?

Maybe I lied and hurt you,

But what if I only wanted you to see through it and not believe it?

Maybe I say I don’t believe in love,

But what if that’s all i need right now? 

Maybe I wrote your name in pencil,

But what if I never plan on erasing you in the first place?

Maybe my thoughts were like gray mist,

But what if I have found clear skies now?

Maybe my heart is sheilded too strongly,

But what if its just too fragile? 

Maybe I broke you,

But what if it was me who was broken already? 

Maybe I really needed you, 

But what if I felt embarrassed for asking so much? 

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this,

But what if I hope you could read this? 

Maybe its too late,

But I can only try to get this out n put it in the universe. 

Relearning Life 

It is not easy,

Relearning 

How to live

Your life

Rewire the soul,

And

Rebuild the

Walls you let fall,

Rewind and unwind

Memories of happy days,

Unique and amazing,

Some extraordinary ways

To carry the world on your 

Shoulders again,

And calm the seas

In your eyes,

To see clearly of all you left behind,

With guilt weighing you down,

It’s not easy 

To remember how strong

You were all along,

Once you been broken down,

And can’t be put together,

To remind every broken piece

of the cosmic reality,

Of the constellations that make up 

The galaxy of your soul. 

It’s not easy 

To unlearn giving up

And be your person,

Kind and beautiful 

And accept yourself

For the person you have become,

Strange, wild and beautiful,

Just missing a little fairy dust,

And to build your own path again,

For once you were,

Someone who would love,

And not run from life 

As it’s not easy 

Once you stop living 

To Relearn to sober up. 
Now on insta- @lantern21ak

Numb

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I feel nothing,
No sadness,
No joy,
I am numb,
astray,
Losing more of myself  everyday,
Too weak,
Thinking about dying,
Leaving everyone else behind,
Destroying,
Stealing their peace of mind!
And still,
I am afraid,
Of what others might think of me,
When I am gone,
Shredded,
Soul long lost.
I am a coward,
Or just a child,
Made to grow up,
As numbers are right.
Don’t know how long,
I’ll survive,
But I’ll wait and see,
If it’s really worth my while.

Come on old friend!

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Hello there old friend!
I knew you would come,
I have been waiting for you,
Come let me hold you in my arms,
Let me give you all they never will.

They said you are beautiful?
They lied my friend,
You are a mess,
And no matter how beautifully you arrange your broken pieces,
They are still broken.
Reflecting nothing but sadness.

This rage,
Is not your enemy,
Its a volcano lying dormant,
But guess what, it can still light up!
Let it consume you,
And consume everyone close to you,
For they don’t care about you,
They just long for company!
But you don’t need them right?
So go ahead burn every so called relationship shamelessly!

You love stars right?
But loving them adds nothing to your own importance,
They are just a reminder of how useless is your existence,
in this vast universe of mysteries and miracles,
You are just another damned human,
A mere creature born for nothing.
No matter how good you believe you are,
Its a bad world out there!
People care for no one but themselves.

But my friend I care for you,
You know why?
Because I am you.
I am in your head.
And I and only I is your true friend.

I will make sure no one could ever hurt you!
I will give a strong shield to your heart,
And then you can give them all a dose of their own medicine.
You can outshine them,
Be good at being bad,
You can do a bigger wrong for every wrong done to you.

You can only overcome this pain through a bigger pain,
Trust me, I will never misguide you.
You will never misguide yourself right?
And that’s how I am too,
Afterall you are me and I am you,
I am your dirtiest secrets and your worst fears,
And nothing is a better stimulator than fear.

You are back here now,
So welcome home my good-self!
You can sleep here as long as you want.
Until that light breaks in again,
I’ll suggest you rest.
And I promise,
This time you will have a long goodnight sleep.

Come on now my friend,
Its time for your darkness to take the lead!

Spilled Ink

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People are not supposed to fit into boxes,
Their is no measurement for souls,
Thoughts have no borders,
No fences can stop destiny’s call.

Emotions are not a weakness,
Scars doesn’t mean ugly souls,
Tomorrow may not be there tomorrow,
It don’t always hurt when one falls.

Its okay to be angry,
Its okay to not have everything at a certain age,
Pain is not the end,
Recovery is the next stage.

Passion has no ‘impossible’,
No dream is too crazy,
No belief is too stupid,
Not all that is broken is useless,
Not all art has a form.

Not all pretty is beautiful,
Not all happiness is temporary,
Not all question resonate a doubt,
Not all that is lost cannot be found.

Those who can’t wait are not impatient,
Sometimes even right now seems too long,
Not all stories need words,
Sometimes spilled ink write better songs.

Not all who didn’t hear are deaf,
Not all who didn’t see are blind,
Not all need a story,
Sometimes actions convey it better than any language or sign.

Sky is not the limit,
There is always a ‘beyond’.
Souls are supposed to blow apart.
Constellations to be held in palms.

We need more stories of imperfections,
More wild hearts,
More people who lived their dreams,
More beautiful endings to a beautiful start.

Solitude

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Turned my back on reality,
Left the road well known,
Walked into forests,
Darkness with its secrets made me feel alone,
Traveling that distance,
Distance to stillness,
When the raging thoughts ruthlessly fought,
To sink in the quiet heart,
The will to withdraw into oneself,
Grew stronger with every new thought,
A beautiful paradox,
A moment of ultimate truth,
Truth about who i am,
To myself,
And not the world,
Made clearer with every step,
My ego turned porous,
Rage the ultimate binding force,
For a clutter of thoughts,
Combinations of irrelevant little details,
Of what could be and what didn’t,
Now transformed,
A blunt presentation of self,
Soul naked,
Spirit withered,
Cause lost,
And then I found,
Discovery beyond artifice,
In the silence of heart,
An empowering force,
Finally found the gift of solitude,
What rose from the dark forests of my mind,
And fell with an enlightenment from gray skies,
A path to self- discovery,
My heart no more callous or sour,
Just a little afraid to make the next best move,
But now holding on to a beautiful truth,
The truth of not who i am supposed to be,
But who i am really.
A brief grasp of solitude is all i needed to discover secrets of my being,
All pain now an old melody I used to sing.

The Trickster

wpid-http%3a%2f%2f40.media_.tumblr.com%2f936154121ed884d43c7e5bc696c03f63%2ftumblr_n99bdmyelu1swv3fpo6_500.jpgThere is so much i want to be,
And so much i want to do,
For the world outside and the one within,
I want to swim the oceans and make my parents proud,
Or work tirelessly for something unconventional,
Rather than following the crowd.
I want to conquer the world,
Or let the world conquer me,
I want to be it all,
And let it all be me.
Sometimes its hard to decide,
What I really want from life?
A good job and family?
Or a beautiful house and a loving hubby?
Or do i just want to leave it all behind and tread on a path of self exploration,
Working night and day on my soul and mind.
Heart is a trickster i feel,
Betray all my thoughts,
Feelings taking over all future plans and telling me to live the moment.
And still,
Still i worry,
Worry over what future can and cannot be?
What path might really set me free?
What actions will lead to happiness and what might just be another lesson for me?
Life is so hard to understand,
So hard to just stand on the side and watch time take its toll,
But is it wrong to aim for a peaceful soul?
And not for all the riches in the world.
Not for all the things with a price tag and not for that golden bag?
If something is meant to be just let it be,
Accept it or fight for what you believe,
And when it gets hard and all good memories go blur,
call it a test and make sure to pass it with flying colors.

Deal with the devil

I was a loser trapped inside my own mind. Devil knocked, only one who seemed kind.
His smile a powerfull spell, lit up every dark corner of my personal hell,
Followed a proposal from his side, trade your soul and pride, in return of a future where i don’t have to hide.
His promise didnt sound hollow, nor conditions were too hard to follow. I had nothing left to lose, that pride was useless like that dead golden egg laying goose.
There was no separate clause for a safety net, i was supposed to seal it with my blood and sweat.
I was then told to go home and enjoy the luxuries i have earned,
but as i returned home i felt my soul burn, bearing a new mark, the mark of the devil,
a symbol marked on everything evil.
I started living the normal life, forgetting past’s everyday strife,
But in the back of head lingered a fear,
Fear of still having a burden to bear.
Waiting patiently for my turn to serve my purpose, it all sometimes seemed like a one man circus.
And finally it came, a call without a name, i was assigned with a task, to spread darkness and chaos i was handed with a flask.
It carried hatred and vengeance, sorrows and misery of those who lost, lost their loved ones in the wars sometime in past.
‘A tiny little flask’-is that all i asked,
Devil smiled, mischief written on his face which he did not try to hide,
That’s all you’ll need answered he,
I was still standing confused how much helpful that little flask could be?
I still accepted his command with a bow, and set sail for my journey still not sure about whys and how.
I reached my destination and did as he said, setting free all that darkness, shattered on ground now the flask laid.
The darkness swept away by the air reached two brothers,
out laughing and enjoying the weather, but as they inhaled the darkness something changed,
their love filled hearts now burned with hate,
Each one thought he was right, none could stand each other’s sight.
I followed the darkness which now reached a child,
But to my surprise the affect wasn’t even mild.
The child laughed and played,
Marveling in the beauty unaware of the darkness he has slayed.
Trying to comprehend it all i stood there for a while,
I saw a man staring with a smile.
He came closer, i saw it all whispered he, but you see a child’s soul is so pure.
I stood there still unaware, he laughed and i felt i was caught bare.
He said,”why do something you feel guilty about, that’s the thing about growing up you always doubt, not just others but yourself too, the secret is staying true.
The child you see holds a heart so pure, still untouched with the darkness rest of us bore.
Our heart is not a fool, we breed darkness first and then it just follows our self-laid rules.”
That knowledge sparked a new light inside my own soul, no more afraid to play my role.
I gathered my courage and went back to the devil, broke my promise refusing to spread any more evil.
The light inside me set me free, illuminated a new path where i can be me, being true to myself is all that i needed to be, my love and courage was the key.
But the parting words of devil still ring in my head,” you may leave as you no longer are fit for my plans but don’t worry i have plenty of fans.
Waiting for a chance to serve my will,
For their own selfish purposes ready to even kill.
I know i can’t save everyone and keep everything under check, but i hope they too find their light before all hell break loose and there is no turning back.