Maybe

May be you are my heaven,

But what if i am your hell?

Maybe change comes with pain,

But what if i am too weak? 

Maybe I don’t deserve my name in ur diary,

But what if I am still thankful for it?

Maybe I have this smile so beautiful,

But what if It’s just a mask for a sad soul?

Maybe I lied and hurt you,

But what if I only wanted you to see through it and not believe it?

Maybe I say I don’t believe in love,

But what if that’s all i need right now? 

Maybe I wrote your name in pencil,

But what if I never plan on erasing you in the first place?

Maybe my thoughts were like gray mist,

But what if I have found clear skies now?

Maybe my heart is sheilded too strongly,

But what if its just too fragile? 

Maybe I broke you,

But what if it was me who was broken already? 

Maybe I really needed you, 

But what if I felt embarrassed for asking so much? 

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this,

But what if I hope you could read this? 

Maybe its too late,

But I can only try to get this out n put it in the universe. 

Growing up!

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When even little seems too much,
While your world becomes your room,
And your window panes turn dark with dust,
And expectations turn into a burden you carry.
When the walls of your heart crumble hard,
Your pillow your secret dumpyard.
As you slowly start hating your smile,
Falling more for your darker side.
And no one knows the battle you fight,
Just to fall asleep at night.
When your heart is rotting inside,
And
You bleed filth,
Your tongue curls only into swears.
When you have to count your breaths and every next one seems harder than earlier.
The only peaceful times are when you are asleep.
When your thoughts are more death than life,
Your smile no more reach your eyes,
When pain is too much to hide,
And you fear drowning
In your own thoughts,
You disappearing seems like no loss.
Your monsters feeding off your soul,
But you still refuse to give up on life,
That’s when you grow up!

Mediocrity

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Another college year has come to end. And again I see people around me getting more and more focused and clear about their future, while I somehow feel stuck! Stuck here! Stuck in a place where everyone is running. Running to catch a train. Running to class. Running home. Running towards people. Running away from people. And in my case running away from life. Yes, that’s how I feel. Living in a place with young people all around. So many dreams lingering on streets. Everyone into something. One could easily spot ‘the intellectual types’, ‘the music band people’, ‘the artists with so many colors embracing their body’, and others you can’t easily spot, just some normal people, people you can’t separate easily from the crowd. The not so happening people. May be I am one of them. Eyes on ground. Nothing on my mind. Eyes full of awe for all that is so beautiful around me. So full of passion and dedication. And then back to me, neither a wannabe, nor someone with something to give all my time to. Is their even a category for us? For those who fit nowhere and everywhere? Neither the geek and still not the coolest. A mediocre. Yes, that’s the term used by most people.
But did they ever wonder what comprise of this mediocre group? A foot in both worlds, yet no world they can call their’s. Isn’t it sad how me and other like me often find ourselves questioning our existence? How we are often asked where we belong and yet we have already been categorized, no room left for us to build our own kingdoms? To set our own standards of perfection? When we start studying, we are expected to perform as per the standards of the ‘intellectual’ category, when we decide to create something new, we are often told about how mediocre our talent is and we can’t ever be the best! And when we decide to leave it all and stop striving and working towards a goal, we often hear complaints and remarks about how we used to be such a nice kid but now have deviated from our paths. We have taken the wrong turn and could have done so much with our lives. But i question how? How can we do something when so much is at stake and no matter how much we work towards something it never seems enough? When someone born with a talent or sharp brain always seem to grab the cookie we had our eyes on! And even if we work throughout our lives most of us always seem to make it only to a certain level. Having that mediocre job, medium family, and if we are lucky we might have sharp kids! One can only hope! But is it because life is unfair or the world and people are?
Not everyone have same circumstances and just like no finger on our hand is of same size, no two people can ever be alike. Each of us is different. We all have our weaknesses. And we all are born for a purpose. And until we find it, we need to do away with this act of categorizing people and judging before knowing them on the basis of their marks, their social groups or their interests. Embrace differences. And while you do this don’t feel alone in this world, because you are unique and you need to keep telling yourself this, unless you discover someone who can actually see your speciality and not your mediocrity, you need to do it for yourself. So keep your head high and believe that you too can achieve your dreams. Don’t be afraid of time running out. Take a time out if you need to, listen to your heart and then come back and work tirelessly towards your goals.  Believe in yourself and set your own standards for no one else can define you better than you.

My story- rewritten

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I am not perfect,
I am miserable,
And I am distorted,
Like that old mirror,
I am dysfunctional at times,
Nervous at most crucial of moments,
I am afraid to speak,
To speak for myself,
I overthink things,
And mess the most beautiful of moments,
I contemplate,
Lose my sleep over people,
People who don’t even deserve a second of my small life,
I write, cut and re-write the same thing i wrote before,
For it didn’t feel right the first time,
I wish i could change,
To become someone easy to come by,
Someone who fits in the norms,
To be confident in my bones.
I sometimes feel this storm,
The storm of rage,
Destruction is all it seeks,
But i hold it in,
For I don’t want anyone to get hurt,
I wish I could be like rain,
Sometimes vapour,
Sometimes cloud,
And when i fall,
I could bring life to all.
But may be I am just like that,
May be I am just letting the pretty sun,
Overshadow my beauty,
The beauty of a rain,
Poets and lovers often converse with me,
While no one dares look in the eyes of the sun,
I flow on earth like the tears from heaven’s eyes,
And I too bring life,
The life to every sad soul,
The ones who lost hope sit in silence,
Letting out the sighs,
Like the gushy air,
That comes following me,
But then I also hold the power,
Power to destroy,
Destroy what sun takes credit for,
The pride he takes for being the energy source,
But when I come,
With my full force,
I will take with me,
What no living soul can endure.
But I still have just one wish,
To be in harmony with the sun,
For I wish to be the life force,
And no destroyer.