Maybe

May be you are my heaven,

But what if i am your hell?

Maybe change comes with pain,

But what if i am too weak? 

Maybe I don’t deserve my name in ur diary,

But what if I am still thankful for it?

Maybe I have this smile so beautiful,

But what if It’s just a mask for a sad soul?

Maybe I lied and hurt you,

But what if I only wanted you to see through it and not believe it?

Maybe I say I don’t believe in love,

But what if that’s all i need right now? 

Maybe I wrote your name in pencil,

But what if I never plan on erasing you in the first place?

Maybe my thoughts were like gray mist,

But what if I have found clear skies now?

Maybe my heart is sheilded too strongly,

But what if its just too fragile? 

Maybe I broke you,

But what if it was me who was broken already? 

Maybe I really needed you, 

But what if I felt embarrassed for asking so much? 

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this,

But what if I hope you could read this? 

Maybe its too late,

But I can only try to get this out n put it in the universe. 

Holidays

Since holidays are going on I decided to renovate my room and as I was doing it a friend told me to consider interior designing or something art related as my profession rather than Economics (that I am currently pursuing) and this made me remember my father’s words
” Take two things you love doing the most. Pick the one you love the most as your hobby and the second one as your profession, for when the days are tuff and your second love becomes difficult, you can always go to your first love and re-energize.”
Here a sneak peek in room!

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P.S. – Any ideas do comment! ūüôā

Growing up!

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When even little seems too much,
While your world becomes your room,
And your window panes turn dark with dust,
And expectations turn into a burden you carry.
When the walls of your heart crumble hard,
Your pillow your secret dumpyard.
As you slowly start hating your smile,
Falling more for your darker side.
And no one knows the battle you fight,
Just to fall asleep at night.
When your heart is rotting inside,
And
You bleed filth,
Your tongue curls only into swears.
When you have to count your breaths and every next one seems harder than earlier.
The only peaceful times are when you are asleep.
When your thoughts are more death than life,
Your smile no more reach your eyes,
When pain is too much to hide,
And you fear drowning
In your own thoughts,
You disappearing seems like no loss.
Your monsters feeding off your soul,
But you still refuse to give up on life,
That’s when you grow up!

Mediocrity

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Another college year has come to end. And again I see people around me getting more and more focused and clear about their future, while I somehow feel stuck! Stuck here! Stuck in a place where everyone is running. Running to catch a train. Running to class. Running home. Running towards people. Running away from people. And in my case running away from life. Yes, that’s how I feel. Living in a place with young people all around. So many dreams lingering on streets. Everyone into something. One could easily spot ‘the intellectual types’, ‘the music band people’, ‘the artists with so many colors embracing their body’, and others you can’t easily spot, just some normal people, people you can’t separate easily from the crowd. The not so happening people. May be I am one of them. Eyes on ground. Nothing on my mind. Eyes full of awe for all that is so beautiful around me. So full of passion and dedication. And then back to me, neither a wannabe, nor someone with something to give all my time to. Is their even a category for us? For those who fit nowhere and everywhere? Neither the geek and still not the coolest. A mediocre. Yes, that’s the term used by most people.
But did they ever wonder what comprise of this mediocre group? A foot in both worlds, yet no world they can call their’s. Isn’t it sad how me and other like me often find ourselves questioning our existence? How we are often asked where we belong and yet we have already been categorized, no room left for us to build our own kingdoms? To set our own standards of perfection? When we start studying, we are expected to perform as per the standards of the ‘intellectual’ category, when we decide to create something new, we are often told about how mediocre our talent is and we can’t ever be the best! And when we decide to leave it all and stop striving and working towards a goal, we often hear complaints and remarks about how we used to be such a nice kid but now have deviated from our paths. We have taken the wrong turn and could have done so much with our lives. But i question how? How can we do something when so much is at stake and no matter how much we work towards something it never seems enough? When someone born with a talent or sharp brain always seem to grab the cookie we had our eyes on! And even if we work throughout our lives most of us always seem to make it only to a certain level. Having that mediocre job, medium family, and if we are lucky we might have sharp kids! One can only hope! But is it because life is unfair or the world and people are?
Not everyone have same circumstances and just like no finger on our hand is of same size, no two people can ever be alike. Each of us is different. We all have our weaknesses. And we all are born for a purpose. And until we find it, we need to do away with this act of¬†categorizing people and judging before knowing them on the basis of their marks, their social groups or their interests. Embrace differences. And while you do this don’t feel alone in this world, because you are unique and you need to keep telling yourself this, unless you discover someone who can actually see your speciality and not your mediocrity, you need to do it for yourself. So keep your head high and believe that you too can achieve your dreams. Don’t be afraid of time running out. Take a time out if you need to, listen to your heart and then come back and work tirelessly towards your goals.¬† Believe in yourself and set your own standards for no one else can define you better than you.

Come on old friend!

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Hello there old friend!
I knew you would come,
I have been waiting for you,
Come let me hold you in my arms,
Let me give you all they never will.

They said you are beautiful?
They lied my friend,
You are a mess,
And no matter how beautifully you arrange your broken pieces,
They are still broken.
Reflecting nothing but sadness.

This rage,
Is not your enemy,
Its a volcano lying dormant,
But guess what, it can still light up!
Let it consume you,
And consume everyone close to you,
For they don’t care about you,
They just long for company!
But you don’t need them right?
So go ahead burn every so called relationship shamelessly!

You love stars right?
But loving them adds nothing to your own importance,
They are just a reminder of how useless is your existence,
in this vast universe of mysteries and miracles,
You are just another damned human,
A mere creature born for nothing.
No matter how good you believe you are,
Its a bad world out there!
People care for no one but themselves.

But my friend I care for you,
You know why?
Because I am you.
I am in your head.
And I and only I is your true friend.

I will make sure no one could ever hurt you!
I will give a strong shield to your heart,
And then you can give them all a dose of their own medicine.
You can outshine them,
Be good at being bad,
You can do a bigger wrong for every wrong done to you.

You can only overcome this pain through a bigger pain,
Trust me, I will never misguide you.
You will never misguide yourself right?
And that’s how I am too,
Afterall you are me and I am you,
I am your dirtiest secrets and your worst fears,
And nothing is a better stimulator than fear.

You are back here now,
So welcome home my good-self!
You can sleep here as long as you want.
Until that light breaks in again,
I’ll suggest you rest.
And I promise,
This time you will have a long goodnight sleep.

Come on now my friend,
Its time for your darkness to take the lead!

Spilled Ink

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People are not supposed to fit into boxes,
Their is no measurement for souls,
Thoughts have no borders,
No fences can stop destiny’s call.

Emotions are not a weakness,
Scars doesn’t mean ugly souls,
Tomorrow may not be there tomorrow,
It don’t always hurt when one falls.

Its okay to be angry,
Its okay to not have everything at a certain age,
Pain is not the end,
Recovery is the next stage.

Passion has no ‘impossible’,
No dream is too crazy,
No belief is too stupid,
Not all that is broken is useless,
Not all art has a form.

Not all pretty is beautiful,
Not all happiness is temporary,
Not all question resonate a doubt,
Not all that is lost cannot be found.

Those who can’t wait are not impatient,
Sometimes even right now seems too long,
Not all stories need words,
Sometimes spilled ink write better songs.

Not all who didn’t hear are deaf,
Not all who didn’t see are blind,
Not all need a story,
Sometimes actions convey it better than any language or sign.

Sky is not the limit,
There is always a ‘beyond’.
Souls are supposed to blow apart.
Constellations to be held in palms.

We need more stories of imperfections,
More wild hearts,
More people who lived their dreams,
More beautiful endings to a beautiful start.

Solitude

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Turned my back on reality,
Left the road well known,
Walked into forests,
Darkness with its secrets made me feel alone,
Traveling that distance,
Distance to stillness,
When the raging thoughts ruthlessly fought,
To sink in the quiet heart,
The will to withdraw into oneself,
Grew stronger with every new thought,
A beautiful paradox,
A moment of ultimate truth,
Truth about who i am,
To myself,
And not the world,
Made clearer with every step,
My ego turned porous,
Rage the ultimate binding force,
For a clutter of thoughts,
Combinations of irrelevant little details,
Of what could be and what didn’t,
Now transformed,
A blunt presentation of self,
Soul naked,
Spirit withered,
Cause lost,
And then I found,
Discovery beyond artifice,
In the silence of heart,
An empowering force,
Finally found the gift of solitude,
What rose from the dark forests of my mind,
And fell with an enlightenment from gray skies,
A path to self- discovery,
My heart no more callous or sour,
Just a little afraid to make the next best move,
But now holding on to a beautiful truth,
The truth of not who i am supposed to be,
But who i am really.
A brief grasp of solitude is all i needed to discover secrets of my being,
All pain now an old melody I used to sing.

My story- rewritten

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I am not perfect,
I am miserable,
And I am distorted,
Like that old mirror,
I am dysfunctional at times,
Nervous at most crucial of moments,
I am afraid to speak,
To speak for myself,
I overthink things,
And mess the most beautiful of moments,
I contemplate,
Lose my sleep over people,
People who don’t even deserve a second of my small life,
I write, cut and re-write the same thing i wrote before,
For it didn’t feel right the first time,
I wish i could change,
To become someone easy to come by,
Someone who fits in the norms,
To be confident in my bones.
I sometimes feel this storm,
The storm of rage,
Destruction is all it seeks,
But i hold it in,
For I don’t want anyone to get hurt,
I wish I could be like rain,
Sometimes vapour,
Sometimes cloud,
And when i fall,
I could bring life to all.
But may be I am just like that,
May be I am just letting the pretty sun,
Overshadow my beauty,
The beauty of a rain,
Poets and lovers often converse with me,
While no one dares look in the eyes of the sun,
I flow on earth like the tears from heaven’s eyes,
And I too bring life,
The life to every sad soul,
The ones who lost hope sit in silence,
Letting out the sighs,
Like the gushy air,
That comes following me,
But then I also hold the power,
Power to destroy,
Destroy what sun takes credit for,
The pride he takes for being the energy source,
But when I come,
With my full force,
I will take with me,
What no living soul can endure.
But I still have just one wish,
To be in harmony with the sun,
For I wish to be the life force,
And no destroyer.

Magic In Your Eyes

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You are not the center,
Just a displaced side piece,
You are not a tragedy,
You are what you don’t believe.
You are not the sunshine of today,
But a dark cloud of tomorrow,
You are not a happy ending,
Just about trials and sorrow.
You are not your heart’s cruelty,
But peace and tranquillity,
You are not your wildest fantasy,
But your actions and reality.
You are not what is yet to come,
But what you have overcome.
You are not the soft drizzle,
You are the destroying thunder,
You are not what you have accumulated,
But what you can surrender.
You are not your manipulations,
But about staying true.
You are not who you look upto,
But who is looking upto you.
You are not the plane white or black,
But beautiful textures and colors.
You are not a perfect piece of art,
But those scars and broken parts.
You are not your smile,
But magic shining in your eyes.
You are not the lost hope,
But that final leap of faith,
You are not what you get without asking,
But for what you wait.
You are not the people holding you down,
You are the hands pushing you up,
You are not your flaws and thoughts,
But your quirks and strength,
You are not confidence,
But humbleness at heights,
You are not your truths,
You are the pain behind your lies.
You are not someone’s life’s villain,
But someone who is suffering inside.
You are the one between Chaos and space,
And just like all perfectly imperfect things looking for a place.

Womanhood- A myth

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We need more men and women who are morally right and not socially right.

Thankyou so much everyone. Got my 50th follower today. *super happy*

So I came across this article about a woman who decided to go bra less in london but not in India. This made me realize how much attention this issue really requires.
Bra is often associated with one’s womanhood. But that really makes me wonder who made it a necessity and why that small piece of clothing needs to be treated as a part of one’s body?
I have often seen girls making fun of someone not wearing one and calling her immature and indecent. When these ‘indecent’ girls were asked about it they tell how they are never comfortable while wearing one and though their mothers force them to wear one they sometime still refuse to wear it.
I have also come across girls who tell about how their own mother made them wear one during their early teenage years and even when they refused in the beginning their mothers forced them and in one case even told her that she(mother) won’t speak to her if she won’t wear it. And although being a rebel in those early years, these girls too now have grown to believe it to be a compulsion. They believe that every women and girl must be forced into wearing one as it is a necessary commodity if one wants to be labelled as decent.
Hearing this coming from girls who otherwise hate all the caste system prevailing in the society, and who boasts of being feminists and ladies with a liberal outlook really troubled my soul. But arey they the only ones maintaining those double standards?
No, its the society, they are just small fishes in a much bigger pond made of such stereotypes and ‘so called liberals’.
This is just one of the many myths and beliefs still prevailing in the society. Not disposing off sanitary napkins without wrapping them in layers of newspapers or polybags as the blood on it is impure and might pollute the environment or not going to any religious place leave alone enter one’s own kitchen are some century old notions and beliefs that need immediate attention.

When we talk about rapes and crimes against women in the society we often forget about these little beliefs and notions that knowingly or unknowingly we are feeding to our daughters and friends. If we really want the condition of women to improve in the society we need to start from our homes.
Stop telling them they are impure, stop telling them they got something to hide, stop restricting them from making their own choices, its their body, teach them to treat it like a temple and stop telling them what they should and shouldn’t do.
Dont set rules for them, let them decide their own boundaries and the way they want to live their lives.

I hope I will be able to change atleast one mind by putting this here.