Maybe

May be you are my heaven,

But what if i am your hell?

Maybe change comes with pain,

But what if i am too weak? 

Maybe I don’t deserve my name in ur diary,

But what if I am still thankful for it?

Maybe I have this smile so beautiful,

But what if It’s just a mask for a sad soul?

Maybe I lied and hurt you,

But what if I only wanted you to see through it and not believe it?

Maybe I say I don’t believe in love,

But what if that’s all i need right now? 

Maybe I wrote your name in pencil,

But what if I never plan on erasing you in the first place?

Maybe my thoughts were like gray mist,

But what if I have found clear skies now?

Maybe my heart is sheilded too strongly,

But what if its just too fragile? 

Maybe I broke you,

But what if it was me who was broken already? 

Maybe I really needed you, 

But what if I felt embarrassed for asking so much? 

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this,

But what if I hope you could read this? 

Maybe its too late,

But I can only try to get this out n put it in the universe. 

Pain

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What is pain?
Does it look like your worst nightmare,
Or does it have a face full of scars?
Each scar a sign of new heartache.

How does it smell like?
Does it even have an odor?
A scent that always give it away?
To its ghosts of past,
And if it has one,
Does it smell sweet?
One that help one troubled soul locate the other,
Or does it smell really awful?
One that ensures no happy soul ever associate with its host?

Does it have a home?
A place it always return to when no place seems right?
And if it does have one,
Is it welcomed back in that place?
Are there any arms waiting for its return?

Also,
Does it have a work place?
Where it follows the night shifts?
When no one is around,
And one is left alone with their haunting thoughts?

Does it even like its work?
Or does it also despise its boss?
The guilt and sin,
Flowing like poison in one’s veins,
Every shade of black pumped into one simple shade of red.

Does it even know its importance?
Flowing straight from heart,
Through ink to the pen’s tip,
And staining papers with its sins.
Leaving bare one’s darkest secrets for the world to read,
To sympathize,
Associate and feel as humanly as possible,
Bringing together all kindered souls.

Or is it as oblivious as every being on earth?
Comparing the beauty of spring of happiness,
To its dry winter like nature,
Or standing on the weighing machine,
Hoping to be more and more weightless,
Taking less space in body and flesh.

Does it love someone?
The one it will even die for?
Is it possessive?
Not wanting to leave,
Finding new excuses to stay everytime its time to go?

Does it have a language?
Or it believes in no dialogue policy
Always focusing on action,
Oozing out of every cut,
Letting those wounds speak louder than any words.

But whatever it is,
I believe pain is as much in pain,
Wanting to escape its own nature,
And when it does find a way out,
It will run places and explore hearts,
But won’t stay longer in one place to make a person completely fall apart.

P.S.- I am currently not able to come up with anything new. Writer’s block i guess! This piece i wrote long back but been lying in my drafts. I didn’t edit it but I felt I need to post something to feel a little motivated to write more! By the way those who wished me good luck for exams thankyou they went well! Fingers crossed for results!! 😀

So Different in My Head

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Yesterday you asked me how i was?
Like i could be any better than the day before or the day when you decided to move on,
You left, enslaving my soul,
I told you i don’t want love,
Yet you gave it,
Gave it every time,
Until i finally fell,
Fell in that hole you been digging all this while.
You buried my heart in that pit of pain,
Chocking me with your words,
And then as you realized i will be gone forever,
You came back!
You came back to ask me how am i doing?
No you actually wanted to know if it is the time to finally put that stone on my grave where you can put all the good things i was not,
Or may be that was exactly who i was,
But you ruined me,
You ruined me and trapped me into these walls.
Now here i am sitting,
Still thinking of every possibility of how it could have worked,
How it might have been the best thing that happened to me,
But these thoughts infuriates me even more,
I hate myself for still seeking refuge in those arms who enslaved my spirit.
But then again i still don’t hate you!
Coz i love you, I have always loved you.
And may be I won’t ever be able to change this.
I still sit here looking at all those stars in the sky trying to win me over,
But I still adore the moon and I can’t help it.
We all have our secrets and i am still glad mine is you!
I hope one day i can meet you again and genuinely smile and wish u a bright future without wanting to be a part of it.

Amnesia

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I wish one day i could wake up with amnesia,
Forget it all,
Take that final fall.
To forget the people who left,
And the people who tried.
Waking up every morning with a tear smeared face,
And a forced smile.
Dying to find a way to breathe,
And spending every breath hoping to die.
All those responsibilities left unfulfilled,
Where one’s fate is already sealed.
Dreaming to find a place to belong,
Trying to relate to that old song.
Worrying over what’s been said and what’s been done,
And then frustrated to the limit of caring for none.
Unashamed of showing those scars,
Never having the courage to break those bars.
Living amidst a perfect world,
Lying on bed trying to stop that heartache with legs curled.
Where no mistakes feel at home,
And abiding by rules is the common norm.
Those harsh nights and inside battles,
As the endless darkness settles.
Sitting on the basement floor,
Faking confident while shaking at core.
Hoping to receive one last call from the one i chose,
Still believing in that long lost cause.
All that kindness taken as weakness,
While the rude became the symbol of strength.
Having to build up that world of magic,
Because the real life was too tragic.
Looking for inspiration to the world outside,
While something irrelevant eating up the insides.
Having a warm heart with a smart brain,
But still disintegrated from all that pain.
Trusting some and then left to bleed, Planting that negative seed.
Weaving those baseless dream’s blaket to warm my heart,
Having  known its all useless from the start.
I  really wish i could forget it all,
But i guess you can only make a fresh start,
by accepting the past,
What’s gone is gone,
And you can only learn and move on.