Maybe

May be you are my heaven,

But what if i am your hell?

Maybe change comes with pain,

But what if i am too weak? 

Maybe I don’t deserve my name in ur diary,

But what if I am still thankful for it?

Maybe I have this smile so beautiful,

But what if It’s just a mask for a sad soul?

Maybe I lied and hurt you,

But what if I only wanted you to see through it and not believe it?

Maybe I say I don’t believe in love,

But what if that’s all i need right now? 

Maybe I wrote your name in pencil,

But what if I never plan on erasing you in the first place?

Maybe my thoughts were like gray mist,

But what if I have found clear skies now?

Maybe my heart is sheilded too strongly,

But what if its just too fragile? 

Maybe I broke you,

But what if it was me who was broken already? 

Maybe I really needed you, 

But what if I felt embarrassed for asking so much? 

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this,

But what if I hope you could read this? 

Maybe its too late,

But I can only try to get this out n put it in the universe. 

Relearning Life 

It is not easy,

Relearning 

How to live

Your life

Rewire the soul,

And

Rebuild the

Walls you let fall,

Rewind and unwind

Memories of happy days,

Unique and amazing,

Some extraordinary ways

To carry the world on your 

Shoulders again,

And calm the seas

In your eyes,

To see clearly of all you left behind,

With guilt weighing you down,

It’s not easy 

To remember how strong

You were all along,

Once you been broken down,

And can’t be put together,

To remind every broken piece

of the cosmic reality,

Of the constellations that make up 

The galaxy of your soul. 

It’s not easy 

To unlearn giving up

And be your person,

Kind and beautiful 

And accept yourself

For the person you have become,

Strange, wild and beautiful,

Just missing a little fairy dust,

And to build your own path again,

For once you were,

Someone who would love,

And not run from life 

As it’s not easy 

Once you stop living 

To Relearn to sober up. 
Now on insta- @lantern21ak

Blurry Lines

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Its just blurry lines
No sense of wrong and right
Everything is a pretense
Just enraged voices in my head,
Remnants of a distant past.
Silenced with lies.

Galaxies are made up truths
A definition of infinite,
Infiltrated with the shadows of life.
Or just another word for the light that flickr,
As your soul burns with limitless effort.

When u don’t have best of life
All u wanna do is hide n die.
Every desire turned to dust
Waiting for time to run its course.
There is nothing more poisonous than remorse.

Damaged by demons we can’t escape
Irreparable wounds rooted in veins.
Random fragments of memories laced with regrets,
Scattered in bloodstream hard to accept. 

The ink splatters in yellow space.
Also trying to find their place.
The greatest beauty wrapped in grey,
Disguised in something unwanted.

Questioning one’s existence,
Faithless in this stride
Choking on your dreams,
Wicked in everyone’s eyes.

But darling wherever you go,
It’ll take a lot of love to hate this life.

To the Infinite

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Lonely silhouette of your being,
The pixallated view of your most cherished dreams,
Caged walls of your beating heart,
The broken promises of a beautiful start,
Void in your gray soul,
The regret for not making that last call,
Finding your way in a labyrinth,
The warmth of the fire you hold within,
Those darkest secrets you hide behind those eyes,
The rules your existence defies,
Numbness pressed in your bones,
The soul deep fears of different colors and tones,
Tears that taste like feelings and little salt,
The humid summer night’s fault,
Unhinged recklessness from the fabric of your being,
The dust you are of everything selfish and mean,
Smiles and laugh are temporary delusions,
Reality is what kills you, while you survive illusion,
You’ll become one of those,
Those who live with daggers hanging on their heads,
Whose forte are dark room and cold beds,
You’ll always be out of place no matter the site
Because love, you belong to the infinite.

Nostalgia

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As I walk down these streets,
I feel these withered walls against my fingers,
Nothing has changed except my fingers, they are a little bigger now,
Or the bricks a little smaller.
I stand on the roof of the house,
Taking in the air of my hometown.
People still live in that next house,
Except the girl I played with is no longer here,
His brother too lives in another city now.
Only people left are the ones who are too old to settle themselves in a new place,
Reminiscing their last days here- familiarity their only salvation.
As I unlock the door to my parent’s room,
I remember how those doors were never locked,
Not until my mother passed away last summer.
The bed inside is still the same,
I didn’t let anyone touch it as it was the place i spent my nights in,
Listening to stories I still remember by heart.
The linen although a bit dusty still smells like mother.
As I walk down the stairs, I see my daughter holding her grandfather’s hand,
Complaining about how I scolded her last night.
She grew up too fast for me to really notice,
But I am glad I never missed out on her childhood.
My father’s room down the stairs is empty now.
My mother asked me to clean his things when he passed,
They made her miss him more.
She must have felt lonely in this house.
I excuse myself for washroom before heading out,
To stand in front of its gate and complain to mom about how difficult things have become and how I don’t want to grow up- ever,
It was a habit i took up as a kid,
Not wanting my mother to see my cry I used to stand there while she bathed,
And complain about everything that was wrong.
I turn back to leave again,
Lock every door to every corner of this house,
There are too many memories here.
I am going for now, until I am ready to come back again and live it all.
If not in time, but in my heart.
I miss my Home.

Little Drops that went Unnoticed

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RED FORT, DELHI 1-3-2015

Here it’s been raining since morning. At the end of day everyone i talked to I only got to hear complaints complaints and more complaints about how inconvenient it was. There was this scheduled performance by a singer which got canceled, someone’s clothes that he put out for drying got all drenched due to sudden downpour. But amidst all the chaos and disappointment I also learned three great lessons today.
So I thought i should share them here cause these migt be little things but thses little things are all we need sometimes.
1) I learned to be happy. If not cause of a reason of your own then be happy for someone else.
For example when the performance got canceled people got angry for they bought the passes, came all the way and still the rain ruined it all. But then if we try looking at a bigger picture, keeping our personal disappointments aside, this rain would have benefited someone, may be a little bird or a farmer. One can only imagine. Why not be happy for them? Why always look at the negative side? Just try thinking it from a different perspective, try peeking into someone else’s mirror and see how beautiful their reflection is. Try finding a reason to be happy however small.

2) A friend of mine got stuck in rain in the college, the roads were blocked because of traffic jam and exits were closed. He tried calling cabs ready to pay extra money but no one agreed. He felt helpless and disheartened for he once thought money could buy you anything. He learned it the hard way. He had to wait 2 hours in the pouring rain completely drenched and freezing. But he learned when you are victim of the circumstances no amount of money can get you out. You will have to be patient to wait for the right moment, you have to give it your all, until you have exhausted all your options you can’t give up! He always believed that if he can earn enough he can raise his family properly and give his children everything they ask for. They won’t have to restrict themselves for anything. But what he understood today is one’s time is the most precious thing they can give someone. Money will come and go and we will keep on dreaming for something better, better than what we already have because isn’t that what dreaming big is all about? We always expect of our parents a little more than they give us but we never try to think that they already are giving us the best. They are already doing a little more than their capabilities, just for our happiness. Money was made to make life better, life wasn’t made just to earn better, there is so much more to life and there is so much you can’t put a price tag on.

3) Rain always inspire me to do something creative so i picked up my comic again from where i left off and wrote another page. ( I started writing manga sometime back and sketch and paint too) And while i was doing that i got compliment from a girl from another room( I live in a hostel). She told me i draw beautifully. This made me think, think about how i never really learned to draw or took any writing sessions. It all comes naturally to me. Its like a part of being me. I realized how much I underestimate myself when i compare my average qualities with someone’s best quality. I often end up comparing myself with someone who is really good at studies, they don’t even work as hard as i do yet they end up scoring so much. Although i have always been among toppers in school and was admired by many of my friends for having such grades, yet i never managed to understand how some who never really paid as much attention scored equal to me or more than me. But I never before tried to put it this way, ‘that is their best quality’ and i should accept it. I should rather work on my own talents and try making the most out of it. This also reminds me of the quote “If you  judge the fish by its ability to  Climb a Tree, It will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid.”
P.S. -I might be a little biased because I love rain!
P.P.S. -comments and suggestions are most welcomed and I hope I will always remember these lessons.