Relearning Life 

It is not easy,

Relearning 

How to live

Your life

Rewire the soul,

And

Rebuild the

Walls you let fall,

Rewind and unwind

Memories of happy days,

Unique and amazing,

Some extraordinary ways

To carry the world on your 

Shoulders again,

And calm the seas

In your eyes,

To see clearly of all you left behind,

With guilt weighing you down,

It’s not easy 

To remember how strong

You were all along,

Once you been broken down,

And can’t be put together,

To remind every broken piece

of the cosmic reality,

Of the constellations that make up 

The galaxy of your soul. 

It’s not easy 

To unlearn giving up

And be your person,

Kind and beautiful 

And accept yourself

For the person you have become,

Strange, wild and beautiful,

Just missing a little fairy dust,

And to build your own path again,

For once you were,

Someone who would love,

And not run from life 

As it’s not easy 

Once you stop living 

To Relearn to sober up. 
Now on insta- @lantern21ak

Blurry Lines

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Its just blurry lines
No sense of wrong and right
Everything is a pretense
Just enraged voices in my head,
Remnants of a distant past.
Silenced with lies.

Galaxies are made up truths
A definition of infinite,
Infiltrated with the shadows of life.
Or just another word for the light that flickr,
As your soul burns with limitless effort.

When u don’t have best of life
All u wanna do is hide n die.
Every desire turned to dust
Waiting for time to run its course.
There is nothing more poisonous than remorse.

Damaged by demons we can’t escape
Irreparable wounds rooted in veins.
Random fragments of memories laced with regrets,
Scattered in bloodstream hard to accept. 

The ink splatters in yellow space.
Also trying to find their place.
The greatest beauty wrapped in grey,
Disguised in something unwanted.

Questioning one’s existence,
Faithless in this stride
Choking on your dreams,
Wicked in everyone’s eyes.

But darling wherever you go,
It’ll take a lot of love to hate this life.

To the Infinite

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Lonely silhouette of your being,
The pixallated view of your most cherished dreams,
Caged walls of your beating heart,
The broken promises of a beautiful start,
Void in your gray soul,
The regret for not making that last call,
Finding your way in a labyrinth,
The warmth of the fire you hold within,
Those darkest secrets you hide behind those eyes,
The rules your existence defies,
Numbness pressed in your bones,
The soul deep fears of different colors and tones,
Tears that taste like feelings and little salt,
The humid summer night’s fault,
Unhinged recklessness from the fabric of your being,
The dust you are of everything selfish and mean,
Smiles and laugh are temporary delusions,
Reality is what kills you, while you survive illusion,
You’ll become one of those,
Those who live with daggers hanging on their heads,
Whose forte are dark room and cold beds,
You’ll always be out of place no matter the site
Because love, you belong to the infinite.

Gone before you came

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Don’t love me,
I am not here to stay,
One day I’ll disappear,
Like that sunset’s last ray.

My wings have tasted freedom,
I only know how to fly,
Touching the stars,
Breathing in the midnight sky.

I am the bird returning home,
Forgotten to walk,
Broken wings,
Too tired to fly,
So here on the ground I lie.

Let me be on my own,
Don’t try to heal me with the galaxies in your eyes,
I might pay you back with coins of stories,
Of fireflies and wasps,
Dolphins and sharks,
And how light consumes the dark.

I’ll let u have a peek into my little adventures.
But that’s all you’ll ever have of me,
Just a glimpse,
In return for a bucket load of stars from dust of your being.

I’ll listen to your dreams,
And make them mine.
But I’ll live them in my own time.
And not with you,

While you’ll sit on that table,
Dinner for two,
I’ll pack my heart and leave you behind.

You’ll wait as it’ll seem too unjustified,
But I don’t care love,
For I might be the love of your life,
You will never be mine.

My heart goes places,
You will never like,
So stitch up your broken pieces,
As soon as you realize,
I was gone,
The day I came,
I was like that stupid rain.

Nostalgia

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As I walk down these streets,
I feel these withered walls against my fingers,
Nothing has changed except my fingers, they are a little bigger now,
Or the bricks a little smaller.
I stand on the roof of the house,
Taking in the air of my hometown.
People still live in that next house,
Except the girl I played with is no longer here,
His brother too lives in another city now.
Only people left are the ones who are too old to settle themselves in a new place,
Reminiscing their last days here- familiarity their only salvation.
As I unlock the door to my parent’s room,
I remember how those doors were never locked,
Not until my mother passed away last summer.
The bed inside is still the same,
I didn’t let anyone touch it as it was the place i spent my nights in,
Listening to stories I still remember by heart.
The linen although a bit dusty still smells like mother.
As I walk down the stairs, I see my daughter holding her grandfather’s hand,
Complaining about how I scolded her last night.
She grew up too fast for me to really notice,
But I am glad I never missed out on her childhood.
My father’s room down the stairs is empty now.
My mother asked me to clean his things when he passed,
They made her miss him more.
She must have felt lonely in this house.
I excuse myself for washroom before heading out,
To stand in front of its gate and complain to mom about how difficult things have become and how I don’t want to grow up- ever,
It was a habit i took up as a kid,
Not wanting my mother to see my cry I used to stand there while she bathed,
And complain about everything that was wrong.
I turn back to leave again,
Lock every door to every corner of this house,
There are too many memories here.
I am going for now, until I am ready to come back again and live it all.
If not in time, but in my heart.
I miss my Home.

Solitude

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Turned my back on reality,
Left the road well known,
Walked into forests,
Darkness with its secrets made me feel alone,
Traveling that distance,
Distance to stillness,
When the raging thoughts ruthlessly fought,
To sink in the quiet heart,
The will to withdraw into oneself,
Grew stronger with every new thought,
A beautiful paradox,
A moment of ultimate truth,
Truth about who i am,
To myself,
And not the world,
Made clearer with every step,
My ego turned porous,
Rage the ultimate binding force,
For a clutter of thoughts,
Combinations of irrelevant little details,
Of what could be and what didn’t,
Now transformed,
A blunt presentation of self,
Soul naked,
Spirit withered,
Cause lost,
And then I found,
Discovery beyond artifice,
In the silence of heart,
An empowering force,
Finally found the gift of solitude,
What rose from the dark forests of my mind,
And fell with an enlightenment from gray skies,
A path to self- discovery,
My heart no more callous or sour,
Just a little afraid to make the next best move,
But now holding on to a beautiful truth,
The truth of not who i am supposed to be,
But who i am really.
A brief grasp of solitude is all i needed to discover secrets of my being,
All pain now an old melody I used to sing.

Amnesia

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I wish one day i could wake up with amnesia,
Forget it all,
Take that final fall.
To forget the people who left,
And the people who tried.
Waking up every morning with a tear smeared face,
And a forced smile.
Dying to find a way to breathe,
And spending every breath hoping to die.
All those responsibilities left unfulfilled,
Where one’s fate is already sealed.
Dreaming to find a place to belong,
Trying to relate to that old song.
Worrying over what’s been said and what’s been done,
And then frustrated to the limit of caring for none.
Unashamed of showing those scars,
Never having the courage to break those bars.
Living amidst a perfect world,
Lying on bed trying to stop that heartache with legs curled.
Where no mistakes feel at home,
And abiding by rules is the common norm.
Those harsh nights and inside battles,
As the endless darkness settles.
Sitting on the basement floor,
Faking confident while shaking at core.
Hoping to receive one last call from the one i chose,
Still believing in that long lost cause.
All that kindness taken as weakness,
While the rude became the symbol of strength.
Having to build up that world of magic,
Because the real life was too tragic.
Looking for inspiration to the world outside,
While something irrelevant eating up the insides.
Having a warm heart with a smart brain,
But still disintegrated from all that pain.
Trusting some and then left to bleed, Planting that negative seed.
Weaving those baseless dream’s blaket to warm my heart,
Having  known its all useless from the start.
I  really wish i could forget it all,
But i guess you can only make a fresh start,
by accepting the past,
What’s gone is gone,
And you can only learn and move on.