Lonely silhouette of your being,
The pixallated view of your most cherished dreams,
Caged walls of your beating heart,
The broken promises of a beautiful start,
Void in your gray soul,
The regret for not making that last call,
Finding your way in a labyrinth,
The warmth of the fire you hold within,
Those darkest secrets you hide behind those eyes,
The rules your existence defies,
Numbness pressed in your bones,
The soul deep fears of different colors and tones,
Tears that taste like feelings and little salt,
The humid summer night’s fault,
Unhinged recklessness from the fabric of your being,
The dust you are of everything selfish and mean,
Smiles and laugh are temporary delusions,
Reality is what kills you, while you survive illusion,
You’ll become one of those,
Those who live with daggers hanging on their heads,
Whose forte are dark room and cold beds,
You’ll always be out of place no matter the site
Because love, you belong to the infinite.
Exams are close and while everyone is trying to go through as much syllabus as possible I too had some doubts and decided to ring my friend up for the same.
What wasn’t surprising was her stress and worry. Although she studied round the semester she is still not at all confident. Given how the University is famous for its ‘marking scheme’ what caught my attention was her statement ‘If I don’t score this time I’ll be really discouraged!’
I could immediately associate with her as at some point in my life I too had been at her place and have felt the same when I have worked really hard for something but was not able to get the results I expected. When you are working on something the good results work as an encouragement as its often said, “once you see results, it becomes an addiction.”
But while trying to encourage her I too came across a realization.
I realized how easy it is to discourage oneself. One should know their weaknesses but only seeing the weaknesses and letting the good side lose its shine is something we tend to do more often.
I realized how we should sit and tell ourselves “It’s okay you didn’t get those marks, you can work more next time!” And yes sometimes there is no next time but are those exams the only thing in your life?
Yes, exams are an indicator of how well you have understood a topic but given the current education system I believe marks are not and cannot be the real indicator of one’s knowledge. I believe unless you never really tried to learn something and you can’t apply what you have learned, no matter if you can frame a certain answer or not, no matter if you can pull an all nighter before the exam and put your cramming capacity to test, no matter if you have just the right amount of topics covered to fetch you enough marks, its all useless. Those marks are useless. If you really want to learn something you will learn it but if you are not getting marks for it then don’t be discouraged because one day that knowledge will help you out, that last minute study won’t last a lifetime.
So forget those social standards, those so called scales and boxes tying up your imagination. Learn, but not for those marks and degrees and diplomas, but for the sake of learning, for discovering something new. Let your curiosity run wild and I am sure one day even without an A grade degree you’ll pull something off because there will be many with those grades but not many with same knowledge.
P.S. : It is out of context but I have decided from today onwards to not to worry about future and take 24 hours at a time and learn and live them as much as I could! To learn something new everyday and follow the 10% rule. 🙂 Any comments suggestions welcome!
Am i capable of being loved?
I asked myself walking down the street.
Even if i am how would it really be?
Will it be magical or just plain routine?
Or may be a mysterious path no one has ever seen?
But many have walked down this road, so was it same for everybody?
Or was it any different for people like me?
But ain’t i loved already, i thought momentarily.
And i finally managed to make a list,
That was just a little bigger than my fist.
I wrote the names of everyone who cared for me, their words and actions became the key.
Yes i am loved,
By my father whose eyes still see,
His little girl, that i will always be.
Or by my mother who have a weak heart ,
but for me her strength is off the charts
And then my brother who will never leave my side,
like a shadow who always stood beside.
Also my friends, not hundreds or thousands,
but i can still recall one or two or even three,
for he might not always be free.
But when darkness spreads its wings, he is always there with a sword of light,
To make it surrender on its limbs.
And then that stranger i dont see often,
But whenever we have an eye contact my features soften.
And then the trees and air so cold,
that always encourages me to be bold.
Filling my lungs with an energy so strange,
It feeds the storm trapped inside my ribcage.
Love is also in that flower that withstood a stormy night,
Inspiring me to stand strong no matter the time.
I see love in everything that inspires me, encourages me to grow,
That fill the place in my heart that i thought was meant to be hollow.
Who is happy when i finally manage to achieve my goal,
Who pushes me to be my own person, With my own unique mind and soul.