To the Infinite

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Lonely silhouette of your being,
The pixallated view of your most cherished dreams,
Caged walls of your beating heart,
The broken promises of a beautiful start,
Void in your gray soul,
The regret for not making that last call,
Finding your way in a labyrinth,
The warmth of the fire you hold within,
Those darkest secrets you hide behind those eyes,
The rules your existence defies,
Numbness pressed in your bones,
The soul deep fears of different colors and tones,
Tears that taste like feelings and little salt,
The humid summer night’s fault,
Unhinged recklessness from the fabric of your being,
The dust you are of everything selfish and mean,
Smiles and laugh are temporary delusions,
Reality is what kills you, while you survive illusion,
You’ll become one of those,
Those who live with daggers hanging on their heads,
Whose forte are dark room and cold beds,
You’ll always be out of place no matter the site
Because love, you belong to the infinite.

Drowning

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I am not scared that I am not myself,
I am scared that I am,
a little too much,
My thoughts are now
Rusty frames of memories,
And worthless pieces of puzzle,
Lying scattered,
Unarranged, unwanted, unwilling,
Too dark for any amount of white,
To turn them into grey.
I know of my demons,
A little too well.
They are
Too powerful a dancer,
Running all around in my mind,
Giving a performance of a lifetime.
Thoughts too unreasonable to say out loud,
Thank god i am too good at lying,
If only they could find,
What parts of me are real and true,
and what are more refined but a lie.
A warrior i am,
Of darkness and all that is wrong with this world,
From insecurities to lies,
And world of cries,
Come watch me drown,
Every inch of my skin is deep in sorrow,
And remorse,
I am grieving for who i was yesterday,
I don’t have the energy to bear it anymore,
But i will.
That’s how i survive,
If only i could live a little while.
And not just exist.
I hate myself too much to stay alive,
But i love myself enough to not end it yet.
This is when i tell myself i can handle this,
I am strong.
And that’s how it all turns out right,
When i don’t even know what tomorrow might be like,
But then who does?

Spilled Ink

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People are not supposed to fit into boxes,
Their is no measurement for souls,
Thoughts have no borders,
No fences can stop destiny’s call.

Emotions are not a weakness,
Scars doesn’t mean ugly souls,
Tomorrow may not be there tomorrow,
It don’t always hurt when one falls.

Its okay to be angry,
Its okay to not have everything at a certain age,
Pain is not the end,
Recovery is the next stage.

Passion has no ‘impossible’,
No dream is too crazy,
No belief is too stupid,
Not all that is broken is useless,
Not all art has a form.

Not all pretty is beautiful,
Not all happiness is temporary,
Not all question resonate a doubt,
Not all that is lost cannot be found.

Those who can’t wait are not impatient,
Sometimes even right now seems too long,
Not all stories need words,
Sometimes spilled ink write better songs.

Not all who didn’t hear are deaf,
Not all who didn’t see are blind,
Not all need a story,
Sometimes actions convey it better than any language or sign.

Sky is not the limit,
There is always a ‘beyond’.
Souls are supposed to blow apart.
Constellations to be held in palms.

We need more stories of imperfections,
More wild hearts,
More people who lived their dreams,
More beautiful endings to a beautiful start.

Amnesia

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I wish one day i could wake up with amnesia,
Forget it all,
Take that final fall.
To forget the people who left,
And the people who tried.
Waking up every morning with a tear smeared face,
And a forced smile.
Dying to find a way to breathe,
And spending every breath hoping to die.
All those responsibilities left unfulfilled,
Where one’s fate is already sealed.
Dreaming to find a place to belong,
Trying to relate to that old song.
Worrying over what’s been said and what’s been done,
And then frustrated to the limit of caring for none.
Unashamed of showing those scars,
Never having the courage to break those bars.
Living amidst a perfect world,
Lying on bed trying to stop that heartache with legs curled.
Where no mistakes feel at home,
And abiding by rules is the common norm.
Those harsh nights and inside battles,
As the endless darkness settles.
Sitting on the basement floor,
Faking confident while shaking at core.
Hoping to receive one last call from the one i chose,
Still believing in that long lost cause.
All that kindness taken as weakness,
While the rude became the symbol of strength.
Having to build up that world of magic,
Because the real life was too tragic.
Looking for inspiration to the world outside,
While something irrelevant eating up the insides.
Having a warm heart with a smart brain,
But still disintegrated from all that pain.
Trusting some and then left to bleed, Planting that negative seed.
Weaving those baseless dream’s blaket to warm my heart,
Having  known its all useless from the start.
I  really wish i could forget it all,
But i guess you can only make a fresh start,
by accepting the past,
What’s gone is gone,
And you can only learn and move on.

The Jar of my life

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Sometimes I wish I could put all my thoughts in a jar,
And see why i was given this ‘life’ named opportunity,
So I pictured what it might like be.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be all red because that is the color I adore,
The redness of one’s eyes who had a heartfelt cry,
Or the red seeping through viens of that suicidal child,
The red sky marking both beginning and end,
Or the red symbolizing love of a lover or a friend.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of maps of the places I want to see,
Photos of the journeys i made mentally,
Or the nights I spent away from home,
Some sweet some melancholy.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of plans and opportunities i never ceased,
Targets i hit and targets i missed,
Or those views i held about future,
Or the uncertainty sometimes unnerving sometime torture.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of memories,
The memories now part of the fabric of my being,
Which made my eyes cry and heart sing.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of portraits of people important to me,
My mother’s smiling eyes,
Father’s arms waiting for me.
Brother more closer than a shadow,
His love selfless and vast than any meadow.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of darkness,
The thoughts that haunt me,
Or that wavering happiness,
Reflecting that wavering soul,
Or those shards of broken heart,
Waiting to be reassembled for a fresh start.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of sheets of paper,
Listing all my deeds,
Those soulful smiles from my planted seeds.
Or will there be sorrows that i reaped.

And now when i have finally put them in a jar,
I found all the reasons i give myself for not wanting to live,
But those are just plain excuses for something that wasn’t meant to be,
Because i won’t have got this life if it was never meant for me.

When inside calls.

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Just look upwards,
Lose yourself to the endless sky,
And then look inside,
Where another galaxy lies.

Look at the trees,
Some young some old,
And look inside,
To see that greenery so bold.

Look at the rivers,
Flowing and cleansing on its own,
And look inside,
To find that flow since you were born.

Jump and scream,
In the air so cold,
And look inside,
To feel the warmth.

Run barefoot,
In the pouring rain.
And permit your heart to cry,
Letting out every pain.

Sweat it out,
Under the sun’s scorching heat,
And look inside,
To keep going until your heart beats.

Play with snow,
On a winter eve,
And look inside you,
To wake that child up long been asleep.

Look down around your feet,
Those tiny creatures roaming around.
And look inside you,
To embrace the free spirit you just found.

Look at the bird,
Sitting on a branch that might break with a little gush,
And look inside you,
To find the wings you can trust.

Look at rainbow,
Painting the sky,
And look inside you,
Its all black and white until you try.

Look at the cactus,
Feel its thorns,
And look inside you,
Your thoughts will hurt you more.

Climb the mountain,
To enjoy the view,
And look inside you,
Its even more beautiful.

Look at the city shining so bright,
On a festival night,
And look inside you,
To find in darkness that tiny spark of light.

Notice that rust surfacing on iron bars,
Rain and air working their little mischief,
And look inside you,
Your dreams rusted with bad thoughts and superfluous beliefs

Just look around,
To the world so beautiful outside,
But never forget to free the world,
Trapped inside.