“The swift movement of his hands”❤
It is not easy,
How to live
Rewire the soul,
Walls you let fall,
Rewind and unwind
Memories of happy days,
Unique and amazing,
Some extraordinary ways
To carry the world on your
And calm the seas
In your eyes,
To see clearly of all you left behind,
With guilt weighing you down,
It’s not easy
To remember how strong
You were all along,
Once you been broken down,
And can’t be put together,
To remind every broken piece
of the cosmic reality,
Of the constellations that make up
The galaxy of your soul.
It’s not easy
To unlearn giving up
And be your person,
Kind and beautiful
And accept yourself
For the person you have become,
Strange, wild and beautiful,
Just missing a little fairy dust,
And to build your own path again,
For once you were,
Someone who would love,
And not run from life
As it’s not easy
Once you stop living
To Relearn to sober up.
Now on insta- @lantern21ak
Get into character,
Dare not be different,
Difference is flaw.
Heart be damned,
Damned be those,
Weird and misfits?
Equations of loss.
The way you think?
Who cares for that?
How you look ?
Well we can talk about that.
Speak your mind,
But be ‘appropriate.’
Want to live your life?
Don’t forget the rules society create.
Lost yourself already?
But I told you to be yourself anyway!
You can’t fall.
And if you do better hide it if you want to make it to your goal!
Wrapped in covers on bed you’ll lie,
Cry if you want,
Just be back to work before half past nine.
Your heart will be broken,
Pain will subside,
Stitch it together,
In just anyone you can’t confide.
Humans are selfish creatures you see,
If you find one you better put your best smile
Because they all wear masks,
A true one?
That’s a myth girl,
Myth created to keep this artificial world alive.
Its just blurry lines
No sense of wrong and right
Everything is a pretense
Just enraged voices in my head,
Remnants of a distant past.
Silenced with lies.
Galaxies are made up truths
A definition of infinite,
Infiltrated with the shadows of life.
Or just another word for the light that flickr,
As your soul burns with limitless effort.
When u don’t have best of life
All u wanna do is hide n die.
Every desire turned to dust
Waiting for time to run its course.
There is nothing more poisonous than remorse.
Damaged by demons we can’t escape
Irreparable wounds rooted in veins.
Random fragments of memories laced with regrets,
Scattered in bloodstream hard to accept.
The ink splatters in yellow space.
Also trying to find their place.
The greatest beauty wrapped in grey,
Disguised in something unwanted.
Questioning one’s existence,
Faithless in this stride
Choking on your dreams,
Wicked in everyone’s eyes.
But darling wherever you go,
It’ll take a lot of love to hate this life.
Lonely silhouette of your being,
The pixallated view of your most cherished dreams,
Caged walls of your beating heart,
The broken promises of a beautiful start,
Void in your gray soul,
The regret for not making that last call,
Finding your way in a labyrinth,
The warmth of the fire you hold within,
Those darkest secrets you hide behind those eyes,
The rules your existence defies,
Numbness pressed in your bones,
The soul deep fears of different colors and tones,
Tears that taste like feelings and little salt,
The humid summer night’s fault,
Unhinged recklessness from the fabric of your being,
The dust you are of everything selfish and mean,
Smiles and laugh are temporary delusions,
Reality is what kills you, while you survive illusion,
You’ll become one of those,
Those who live with daggers hanging on their heads,
Whose forte are dark room and cold beds,
You’ll always be out of place no matter the site
Because love, you belong to the infinite.
Don’t love me,
I am not here to stay,
One day I’ll disappear,
Like that sunset’s last ray.
My wings have tasted freedom,
I only know how to fly,
Touching the stars,
Breathing in the midnight sky.
I am the bird returning home,
Forgotten to walk,
Too tired to fly,
So here on the ground I lie.
Let me be on my own,
Don’t try to heal me with the galaxies in your eyes,
I might pay you back with coins of stories,
Of fireflies and wasps,
Dolphins and sharks,
And how light consumes the dark.
I’ll let u have a peek into my little adventures.
But that’s all you’ll ever have of me,
Just a glimpse,
In return for a bucket load of stars from dust of your being.
I’ll listen to your dreams,
And make them mine.
But I’ll live them in my own time.
And not with you,
While you’ll sit on that table,
Dinner for two,
I’ll pack my heart and leave you behind.
You’ll wait as it’ll seem too unjustified,
But I don’t care love,
For I might be the love of your life,
You will never be mine.
My heart goes places,
You will never like,
So stitch up your broken pieces,
As soon as you realize,
I was gone,
The day I came,
I was like that stupid rain.
As I walk down these streets,
I feel these withered walls against my fingers,
Nothing has changed except my fingers, they are a little bigger now,
Or the bricks a little smaller.
I stand on the roof of the house,
Taking in the air of my hometown.
People still live in that next house,
Except the girl I played with is no longer here,
His brother too lives in another city now.
Only people left are the ones who are too old to settle themselves in a new place,
Reminiscing their last days here- familiarity their only salvation.
As I unlock the door to my parent’s room,
I remember how those doors were never locked,
Not until my mother passed away last summer.
The bed inside is still the same,
I didn’t let anyone touch it as it was the place i spent my nights in,
Listening to stories I still remember by heart.
The linen although a bit dusty still smells like mother.
As I walk down the stairs, I see my daughter holding her grandfather’s hand,
Complaining about how I scolded her last night.
She grew up too fast for me to really notice,
But I am glad I never missed out on her childhood.
My father’s room down the stairs is empty now.
My mother asked me to clean his things when he passed,
They made her miss him more.
She must have felt lonely in this house.
I excuse myself for washroom before heading out,
To stand in front of its gate and complain to mom about how difficult things have become and how I don’t want to grow up- ever,
It was a habit i took up as a kid,
Not wanting my mother to see my cry I used to stand there while she bathed,
And complain about everything that was wrong.
I turn back to leave again,
Lock every door to every corner of this house,
There are too many memories here.
I am going for now, until I am ready to come back again and live it all.
If not in time, but in my heart.
I miss my Home.
I feel nothing,
I am numb,
Losing more of myself everyday,
Thinking about dying,
Leaving everyone else behind,
Stealing their peace of mind!
I am afraid,
Of what others might think of me,
When I am gone,
Soul long lost.
I am a coward,
Or just a child,
Made to grow up,
As numbers are right.
Don’t know how long,
But I’ll wait and see,
If it’s really worth my while.
When even little seems too much,
While your world becomes your room,
And your window panes turn dark with dust,
And expectations turn into a burden you carry.
When the walls of your heart crumble hard,
Your pillow your secret dumpyard.
As you slowly start hating your smile,
Falling more for your darker side.
And no one knows the battle you fight,
Just to fall asleep at night.
When your heart is rotting inside,
You bleed filth,
Your tongue curls only into swears.
When you have to count your breaths and every next one seems harder than earlier.
The only peaceful times are when you are asleep.
When your thoughts are more death than life,
Your smile no more reach your eyes,
When pain is too much to hide,
And you fear drowning
In your own thoughts,
You disappearing seems like no loss.
Your monsters feeding off your soul,
But you still refuse to give up on life,
That’s when you grow up!
I am not scared that I am not myself,
I am scared that I am,
a little too much,
My thoughts are now
Rusty frames of memories,
And worthless pieces of puzzle,
Unarranged, unwanted, unwilling,
Too dark for any amount of white,
To turn them into grey.
I know of my demons,
A little too well.
Too powerful a dancer,
Running all around in my mind,
Giving a performance of a lifetime.
Thoughts too unreasonable to say out loud,
Thank god i am too good at lying,
If only they could find,
What parts of me are real and true,
and what are more refined but a lie.
A warrior i am,
Of darkness and all that is wrong with this world,
From insecurities to lies,
And world of cries,
Come watch me drown,
Every inch of my skin is deep in sorrow,
I am grieving for who i was yesterday,
I don’t have the energy to bear it anymore,
But i will.
That’s how i survive,
If only i could live a little while.
And not just exist.
I hate myself too much to stay alive,
But i love myself enough to not end it yet.
This is when i tell myself i can handle this,
I am strong.
And that’s how it all turns out right,
When i don’t even know what tomorrow might be like,
But then who does?