Mask

Wear that mask,

Get into character,

Responsibilities call

Buckle up!
Dare not be different,

Difference is flaw.

Heart be damned,

Damned be those,

Weird and misfits?

Equations of loss.
The way you think?

Who cares for that?

How you look ?

Well we can talk about that.
Speak your mind,

But be ‘appropriate.’

Want to live your life?

Oh sure! 

Don’t forget the rules society create. 
Lost yourself already? 

But I told you to be yourself anyway!

Be independent!

You can’t fall.

And if you do better hide it if you want to make it to your goal!
Wrapped in covers on bed you’ll lie,

Cry if you want,

Just be back to work before half past nine.
Your heart will be broken,

Pain will subside,

Stitch it together,

In just anyone you can’t confide.
Humans are selfish creatures you see,

If you find one you better put your best smile

Because they all wear masks,

A true one?

That’s a myth girl,

Myth created to keep this artificial world alive. 

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Blurry Lines

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Its just blurry lines
No sense of wrong and right
Everything is a pretense
Just enraged voices in my head,
Remnants of a distant past.
Silenced with lies.

Galaxies are made up truths
A definition of infinite,
Infiltrated with the shadows of life.
Or just another word for the light that flickr,
As your soul burns with limitless effort.

When u don’t have best of life
All u wanna do is hide n die.
Every desire turned to dust
Waiting for time to run its course.
There is nothing more poisonous than remorse.

Damaged by demons we can’t escape
Irreparable wounds rooted in veins.
Random fragments of memories laced with regrets,
Scattered in bloodstream hard to accept. 

The ink splatters in yellow space.
Also trying to find their place.
The greatest beauty wrapped in grey,
Disguised in something unwanted.

Questioning one’s existence,
Faithless in this stride
Choking on your dreams,
Wicked in everyone’s eyes.

But darling wherever you go,
It’ll take a lot of love to hate this life.

Gone before you came

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Don’t love me,
I am not here to stay,
One day I’ll disappear,
Like that sunset’s last ray.

My wings have tasted freedom,
I only know how to fly,
Touching the stars,
Breathing in the midnight sky.

I am the bird returning home,
Forgotten to walk,
Broken wings,
Too tired to fly,
So here on the ground I lie.

Let me be on my own,
Don’t try to heal me with the galaxies in your eyes,
I might pay you back with coins of stories,
Of fireflies and wasps,
Dolphins and sharks,
And how light consumes the dark.

I’ll let u have a peek into my little adventures.
But that’s all you’ll ever have of me,
Just a glimpse,
In return for a bucket load of stars from dust of your being.

I’ll listen to your dreams,
And make them mine.
But I’ll live them in my own time.
And not with you,

While you’ll sit on that table,
Dinner for two,
I’ll pack my heart and leave you behind.

You’ll wait as it’ll seem too unjustified,
But I don’t care love,
For I might be the love of your life,
You will never be mine.

My heart goes places,
You will never like,
So stitch up your broken pieces,
As soon as you realize,
I was gone,
The day I came,
I was like that stupid rain.

Nostalgia

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As I walk down these streets,
I feel these withered walls against my fingers,
Nothing has changed except my fingers, they are a little bigger now,
Or the bricks a little smaller.
I stand on the roof of the house,
Taking in the air of my hometown.
People still live in that next house,
Except the girl I played with is no longer here,
His brother too lives in another city now.
Only people left are the ones who are too old to settle themselves in a new place,
Reminiscing their last days here- familiarity their only salvation.
As I unlock the door to my parent’s room,
I remember how those doors were never locked,
Not until my mother passed away last summer.
The bed inside is still the same,
I didn’t let anyone touch it as it was the place i spent my nights in,
Listening to stories I still remember by heart.
The linen although a bit dusty still smells like mother.
As I walk down the stairs, I see my daughter holding her grandfather’s hand,
Complaining about how I scolded her last night.
She grew up too fast for me to really notice,
But I am glad I never missed out on her childhood.
My father’s room down the stairs is empty now.
My mother asked me to clean his things when he passed,
They made her miss him more.
She must have felt lonely in this house.
I excuse myself for washroom before heading out,
To stand in front of its gate and complain to mom about how difficult things have become and how I don’t want to grow up- ever,
It was a habit i took up as a kid,
Not wanting my mother to see my cry I used to stand there while she bathed,
And complain about everything that was wrong.
I turn back to leave again,
Lock every door to every corner of this house,
There are too many memories here.
I am going for now, until I am ready to come back again and live it all.
If not in time, but in my heart.
I miss my Home.

Growing up!

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When even little seems too much,
While your world becomes your room,
And your window panes turn dark with dust,
And expectations turn into a burden you carry.
When the walls of your heart crumble hard,
Your pillow your secret dumpyard.
As you slowly start hating your smile,
Falling more for your darker side.
And no one knows the battle you fight,
Just to fall asleep at night.
When your heart is rotting inside,
And
You bleed filth,
Your tongue curls only into swears.
When you have to count your breaths and every next one seems harder than earlier.
The only peaceful times are when you are asleep.
When your thoughts are more death than life,
Your smile no more reach your eyes,
When pain is too much to hide,
And you fear drowning
In your own thoughts,
You disappearing seems like no loss.
Your monsters feeding off your soul,
But you still refuse to give up on life,
That’s when you grow up!

Drowning

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I am not scared that I am not myself,
I am scared that I am,
a little too much,
My thoughts are now
Rusty frames of memories,
And worthless pieces of puzzle,
Lying scattered,
Unarranged, unwanted, unwilling,
Too dark for any amount of white,
To turn them into grey.
I know of my demons,
A little too well.
They are
Too powerful a dancer,
Running all around in my mind,
Giving a performance of a lifetime.
Thoughts too unreasonable to say out loud,
Thank god i am too good at lying,
If only they could find,
What parts of me are real and true,
and what are more refined but a lie.
A warrior i am,
Of darkness and all that is wrong with this world,
From insecurities to lies,
And world of cries,
Come watch me drown,
Every inch of my skin is deep in sorrow,
And remorse,
I am grieving for who i was yesterday,
I don’t have the energy to bear it anymore,
But i will.
That’s how i survive,
If only i could live a little while.
And not just exist.
I hate myself too much to stay alive,
But i love myself enough to not end it yet.
This is when i tell myself i can handle this,
I am strong.
And that’s how it all turns out right,
When i don’t even know what tomorrow might be like,
But then who does?

Stuck

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Today again I woke up,
I should be happy for being alive right?

As
Today,
Again I’ll see those kids going to school,
Wearing matching dresses.
I once asked my mother if she knows what they carry in those little backpacks?
She said they are books.
I wonder what they are about though?
Beautiful pictures, poems or stories?

Today,
I’ll wear a pretty dress.
Mother said her children don’t need them anymore,
Thank god that lady’s children grew up so soon!
However, I wonder if I’ll ever know what it felt like to wear them when they were new?
Nice, good or beautiful?

Today,
My father will again point at buildings and tell me how he built them all.
But I don’t know why he lie all the time.
If they were built by him why don’t they all look alike?
I wonder then why aren’t we living under those lights?

Today,
My sister will again miss her dinner.
She says she is not hungry.
But I didn’t see her eat all day.
I wonder if she is fasting to get her wish?

Today,
Again I’ll run around barefoot.
The street is really hot though.
But everyone in my family walks like that.
I wonder if I only am the sensitive one?

Today,
Again I’ll sleep dreaming of a fairyland,
Beautiful and pretty.
Now you wonder why my dreams sound so normal?
Because dreaming is still free.

Come on old friend!

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Hello there old friend!
I knew you would come,
I have been waiting for you,
Come let me hold you in my arms,
Let me give you all they never will.

They said you are beautiful?
They lied my friend,
You are a mess,
And no matter how beautifully you arrange your broken pieces,
They are still broken.
Reflecting nothing but sadness.

This rage,
Is not your enemy,
Its a volcano lying dormant,
But guess what, it can still light up!
Let it consume you,
And consume everyone close to you,
For they don’t care about you,
They just long for company!
But you don’t need them right?
So go ahead burn every so called relationship shamelessly!

You love stars right?
But loving them adds nothing to your own importance,
They are just a reminder of how useless is your existence,
in this vast universe of mysteries and miracles,
You are just another damned human,
A mere creature born for nothing.
No matter how good you believe you are,
Its a bad world out there!
People care for no one but themselves.

But my friend I care for you,
You know why?
Because I am you.
I am in your head.
And I and only I is your true friend.

I will make sure no one could ever hurt you!
I will give a strong shield to your heart,
And then you can give them all a dose of their own medicine.
You can outshine them,
Be good at being bad,
You can do a bigger wrong for every wrong done to you.

You can only overcome this pain through a bigger pain,
Trust me, I will never misguide you.
You will never misguide yourself right?
And that’s how I am too,
Afterall you are me and I am you,
I am your dirtiest secrets and your worst fears,
And nothing is a better stimulator than fear.

You are back here now,
So welcome home my good-self!
You can sleep here as long as you want.
Until that light breaks in again,
I’ll suggest you rest.
And I promise,
This time you will have a long goodnight sleep.

Come on now my friend,
Its time for your darkness to take the lead!