The Jar of my life

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Sometimes I wish I could put all my thoughts in a jar,
And see why i was given this ‘life’ named opportunity,
So I pictured what it might like be.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be all red because that is the color I adore,
The redness of one’s eyes who had a heartfelt cry,
Or the red seeping through viens of that suicidal child,
The red sky marking both beginning and end,
Or the red symbolizing love of a lover or a friend.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of maps of the places I want to see,
Photos of the journeys i made mentally,
Or the nights I spent away from home,
Some sweet some melancholy.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of plans and opportunities i never ceased,
Targets i hit and targets i missed,
Or those views i held about future,
Or the uncertainty sometimes unnerving sometime torture.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of memories,
The memories now part of the fabric of my being,
Which made my eyes cry and heart sing.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of portraits of people important to me,
My mother’s smiling eyes,
Father’s arms waiting for me.
Brother more closer than a shadow,
His love selfless and vast than any meadow.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of darkness,
The thoughts that haunt me,
Or that wavering happiness,
Reflecting that wavering soul,
Or those shards of broken heart,
Waiting to be reassembled for a fresh start.

If I put all my thoughts in a jar,
Will it be full of sheets of paper,
Listing all my deeds,
Those soulful smiles from my planted seeds.
Or will there be sorrows that i reaped.

And now when i have finally put them in a jar,
I found all the reasons i give myself for not wanting to live,
But those are just plain excuses for something that wasn’t meant to be,
Because i won’t have got this life if it was never meant for me.

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